hmph, grrrr and other similar things

My Dad asked to be my 'friend' on fb, and I could hardly say no, so now I cant post my pissed offness on there. And I keep forgetting he can see stuff, so now he is annoying through there too

Yesterday he posts on my fb that he will try and arrange a mutually convenient time to bring me something from my grandmother. Is it just me or does that suggest he would in some way contact me to check if 1.30 was ok? Or does it mean turn up then without any notice and regardless of whether it was ok with me?

No prizes for working out which one he did.

He had also seen on my fb that someone had requested pics of my tree. And as I am clearly incapable of taking a photo, he brought his camera to take them for me. So now I have to put on my fb pics I dont like. Please all ignore them til I've taken my own pics and posted them instead

Didnt even say, I've brought my camera in case you'd like me to take some pics and give me chance to say, no thanks, I'm doing it myself later. Nope, jsut got on and did it

Oh, and when he didnt come round to put up my new wall lights like he promised because he was 'ill', I think I now know why. He says he has some sort of flu bug, yet when he tells me that he doesnt have any of the normal flu type symptoms but feels tired lots, over sleeps, has a fuzzy head when he wakes, I know exactly what is wrong. He doesnt have flu ffs, he's suffering as a result of stupidly excessive alcohol. Stop drinking and wow, he'd feel better. Who'd ever think that being an alcoholic and drinking vast amounts could make you feel ill?

Rant over. Rest of life will continue to be posted on facebook

I remember now part of why I have a blog. Its somewhere I can go and say aaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. And a bit of grrrrrrrrr

In short the reason is my father. He is driving me madder. Again. For those that dont know the background, he's an alcoholic. And he's pretty much let alcohol fuck up most of his life, and then blamed anyone and anything, except his own sheer stupidity. When sober, he can actually be ok, quite nice to be around, mostly. Drunk, well, he's divorced cos my mum who loved him, had had enough of him being pissed all the time, and being very verbablly abusive.

He's had depression on and off, mostly on, for a very long time. And as alcohol is a depressant, when he drinks cos he feels shit, oddly enough he ends up feeling more shit. He is supposedly an very intelligent man. After splitting from my mum, he had a 'girlfriend' for ages. And when she dumped him, he got worse than he'd ever been, stopped eating, just surviving on 40 fags a day and a bottle of gin. He then got done for drink driving, again. So 4 years ago, almost exactly, he decided suicide was a good plan. Naturally he couldnt even do that properly. I'm the only relative within 70 miles, so sorted him into hospital, and updated what felt like my entire family, including long lost cousins i'd never met (It was actually 4 people, but shush) Somehow he got into rehab that autumn, which he then got himself kicked out of early January, cos when he was let out for an afternoon, he got pissed.

That seems to be the one thing that got through to him however, and he got sober, and stayed sober \o/ The main thing that has kept him sober however is that he's not worked, not through choice - he jsut cant get a job, and so has near no money.

But, and you knew there was one coming, recently he's been drinking again. I pretty much only have contact with him on Sundays normally, when we go to the pub for the quiz. Theres a real irony that the only way I know of to be sure hes not drinking is to take him to the pub!! I know he shouldnt drink though, and he knows I know this, and my friends S+K who we quiz with also know this, so he wouldnt drink. In his stupidity I think he thinks we wont notice that hes been drinking half the day. Erm, hello??? I grew up with him being drunk half the time, I can tell when he phones me that hes drunk, just by the way he says hello. Hes just rung me, hes drunk.

So I am grrrrrrrrrrrrrring cos he shouldnt, it is gonna kill him one of these days, and I'll get to sort all the mess out he'll leave. And I'm grrrrring cos I cant yet work out where the f*** he's getting the money. Either his dim mother (I'm not her greatest fan) is giving him money again, or hes not paying his bills, not eating, and just spending the money on alcohol.

Maybe I should start taking bets on quite which way he'll manage to kill himself. It may sound morbid, but if I dont try and make light of it...... I'm thinking a car accident is unlikely, he has driven while drunk consistently for about 20 years, and despite being caught, and banned for it 3 times, once he has a car again, he's bound to still do it. Its one of the problems he has when drunk, he thinks he's fine, dont even ask what reading the machine came up with last time he was done

Oh, and he's met some woman online, they talk all the time, have done for a couple of years now. Only she lives in NY state, so they've not yet met. She is apparently coming over for a visit in August. I'm dreading it, he wants me to meet her, which might be fine. But what worries me is that it shouldnt take her long to realise what hes like in reality, and if she then dumps him.... And I know, I know, I shouldnt worry about what might not even happen, but knowing him, and whats happened in the past, I think I have jsut cause. And I as say, I'm the only person nearby, so I'll get to either sort him, or his estate out. He has already appointed me exectutor of his will

I'm gonna go scream and grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr elsewhere for a bit

See, the problem is these days, its often easier to summarise anything of interest in a couple of lines as a facebook status than it is to bother blogging

The occasional exception might be when I want to say something to a more 'select' audience. Mostly moaning though. Stuff like knowing my ex's family dont see this, so here its safe to mutter about my ex in laws sending Holly 1 birthday card, as is normal, but sending 2 to Amos, one from ex mil and one from ex fil. Their birthdays are a mere 10 days apart, would have been very easy for Holly to notice and comment, possibly even to be bothered. Fortunately she didnt, but it does irritate me the way they make their favouritism of him so flipping blatant

Oh well, very little I can do, and so far it doesnt actually cause the kids any issues.

My life has mostly carried on as usual, anything mildly interesting posted on fb. Likely to continue that way too. Kids are all fine, 6 weeks on Tuesday til they leave the country without me \o/ Dog is fine, back to vets this Tues, for update, erm, see facebook

Today has mostly been a lovely day. Abby had a birthday party from 12-2, and when we picked her up, we went straight to city centre for some shopping. Amos and Holly had birthday money burning holes in their pockets. For a bonus point guess who Holly likes based on what she bought.....2 Hannah Montana books, 7 packs of Hannah Montana stickers, a Hannah Montana goody bag, a Hannah Montana Wii game, and cos it was bogof, she also got a High School Musical Wii game too

Amos also got a Wii game, some Zelda thing. So now we have 3 new Wii games, and 1 Wii. Roll on the next round of bickering :-\

As we were in town, we went to Town Quay on the way home, just in time to see Grand Princess go past, and with plenty of time to be as close as possible to see QM2 leave. Well, publicly anyway. Along with quite a lot of other people we watched her slowly pulled outta berth by the tug, then turn and go off down Southampton Water. I never tire out watching the cruise ships go out.

We missed seeing Norweigan Jade leave, but had seen her earlier, good view from top of Ikea car park. Another HUGE one, though of the 3 today, QM2 looked biggest and is certainly the most impressive and prettiest to look at. Was nice to be right in town to watch them go for a change, normally we go to the big country park which is right on the water 3 or 4 miles further down, and dog enjoys it there too, but well, we have new wii games!!

Theres a line in Pretty Woman. Well several, but one in particular. The gist is when they are lying in bed talking and he asks about her past etc, and she says....the bad stuff is easier to believe

So why? Why do we do that? Ignore all the good stuff people say, and micro focus on the tiny negative thing?

And on a similar line, why do I know something is a bad idea, but still do it over and over again? Why do I not learn? Why do I think that the other person has changed in any way, will listen this time when they never have before?

Why when I am healthy, my kids the same, the dog, well yes, anyway, I have my own home, food in the cupboard, more friends than i can count some days. Why am I constantly surprised they still like me after getting to know me? And why do I focus on the things I dont have? A man mostly, though other stuff some days too. Not possesions, cos though more money would be great, it would be so i could pay all my bills without worrying, not for things, have never greatly cared about those.

And I'm alone in this. Why do we do it? And will I ever learn that sometimes its jsut not worth it, and to move on?

Pics of doggy

This is Smartie, and Abby, and a bit of Amos. I took it yesterday morning. You can kind of see her leg, though its less obvious now than a couple of weeks ago when it was all freshly shaved and bald. As I think I said, its not in a cast, just pins, as hopefully the next pic shows.....




It looks worse than it is, but you can understand why when it was new, Holly took one look and burst into tears! It is actually 6 metal pins which are screwed into her bone, with a bar across them all holding them in place, and firmly so. If all continues to go well, she has an xray in about 4 weeks, which should show the bone all healed, at which point the pins come out.

Those pics were taken after last weeks green bandage came off. Some skirmish with one of the cats. So yesterday when we went to vets for check up, she got a lovely new pink one. Its main purpose being to protect her and us from the ends of the pins! They may not be needle sharp, but trust me, you dont wanna get poked by one. As todays final pic shows, she is generally pretty chilled out, and doing well \o/

According to some AOL article, there are 15 types of men/relationships women go through. Well 14 really, but they clearly thought 15 sounded better so included doing a Katy Perry (Or doing a Jess ;)). The list started with first love and ended with "the one" and had most things in between, the 'one night stand', holiday romance, etc etc.

Still on the bright side I reckon in one way or another I've now gone through 9 of them, so only 5 to go til me and Mr Right start living happily ever after

I need to stop reading chick lit. They all seem to go from one relationship to the dream one in no time, yet after nearly 3 years I've yet to have one show more than a passing interest :-\

Despite how that might sound I'm not desperate, well not much. It jsut would be nice.... But I'm gonna try and focus on the positives. I can live perfectly well and happily without a man. I have my (mostly) fantastic kids, a gorgeous dog, a roof over my head, enough money to have all the necessities, and even occasional treats. Its a beautiful day, I live in a country where I'm free to do pretty much what I please, and I have my health. I could go for a walk in the lovely spring sunshine (I said could, not will!), I have amazing friends, an internet connection ;) and wine in the fridge :)

In general life is good, but at this moment, I still feel a bit quiet :( Oh well, life goes on and all that

Smartie news.....she came home on Thursday, is hopping around with no real problems. Shes not meant to do much more than lie around. I have put a stair gate up, and keep reminded her not to jump, at all! Not to say hello, not onto the sofa, not onto the sleepers in the garden to get to one of her sniffing spots. Daft dog. She goes back to vets tomorrow for a check up. I was going to take pics yesterday, but I can t work out how to use the digital camera my mum gave us :-x It might just have dead batteries.

Latest on Smartie

Vet rang me mid afternoon and told me she's had her op. It went very well, they've managed to put her bones back where they should be, and her leg is now all pinned and clamped and goodness knows what else. She had come round again by the time vet rang, and was fine. They are keeping her in again tonight to keep an eye on her and keep her topped up with painkillers, but she ought to come home tomorrow.

Then the fun begins of trying to persaude her the that vet said 6 weeks of rest!

Not much else happening, I've about two thirds of the way through replacing kitchen floor, tis looking great. Have also been repainting bits of wall while I'm at it. Bit pointless laying a new floor and THEN painting. Am jsut doing it the same colour, covering some of the marks that have magically appeared. None of my children ever touch the walls. Same way their stuff walks all by itself to the middle of the floor and then sits there.

We've not won pub quiz so much recently, the curly merkins are back on form :-\

School holidays start soon, I will undoubtably have had enough by about 8am Saturday morning. Would be sooner but I'm going out Friday night.

I will try and get a pic of Smartie all bandaged up. It'll take me months to get round to moving it from camera to pc and then to blog, but thats nothing new.