I am better, not 100%, but no longer feeling like death warmed up \o/

And so, as its New Years Eve, I spose I could write a reflective post like I threatened to. I didnt bother saving my old blog, most of it was just random wittering anyway. But I kinda wish I still had a few posts. Would be nice to re read ones from this time last year, see whats changed etc.

I can definitely say that I've gone an entire year without alcohol, unless I manage to accidentally have any in the next 9 hours. Its been an interesting experiment. Other peoples reactions in particular have been fascintaing. Many people thought I was mad (well dur, we knew that), a lot of people said they couldnt it. Make of that what you will. There were a fair few people who thought I couldnt do it, well ner ner ner ner ner to them.

There are people who say, well you've gone a year, why drink again? Because I like wine!! I'm not planning on saying well I did a year without, now lets get on with that alcoholism. Surely the logical conclusion to draw is that, as I knew, none of us NEED alcohol, but it is nice to have occasionally. I'm perfectly capable of having some or not having any, even when its free. And grrrr why did I pick a year when I was at so many events where it was being given away??

I doubt I'll be cracking anything open at 12.01, but I shant wait months either. I was given a very very nice bottle of white as a Christmas present, and well it would be rude not to drink it. I will only have a glass or two though. Ought to be enough after all this time to get me totally pissed :-x

I did last year decide on various other things. And I think its best not to dwell on those which havent gone so well, more to resolve (oooh thats almost like a resolution ;)) to do better next year. Some things I did manage, ie to pay off some more debt. But the amount owed is more than I can manage in 1 year, or even 2 sadly. However, I will keep chipping away at it, and one day I'll get it all gone.

I'd like to say the same about my excess weight, but that would rather imply I did something about it last year. Well I kind of did, but not quite what I'd intended. And the house is also most definitely a work in prgroess. Having kids does slow me down in my attempts to eradicate the chaos, they will persist in bringing yet more crap INTO my house, nearly as fast as I manage to get some OUT. Overall I am winning though.

And I'm very proud of my dining room. After all these years I have a finished room (except the curtains, but shush). And I'm determined that it wont take another 8 years to do another room. I WILL have a nice house for me and my kids to live in.

The other thing this time of year always makes me think of is people, and how relationships have changed over the year. And about those people who I didnt know a year ago, who are now so important to me. And being grateful that so many special people are still in my life. I'm blessed that once again, another year has passed withuot me going to a funeral, nor even had any close friends or relatives be in hospital.

And I'm very much look forward to meeting a specific couple of new people in 2009. One of them very soon I hope, as it is now a week late!!

With children its very hard to notice them changing when you see them every day. Its hard to remember exactly what they were all like a year ago, but like the rest of us, my kids are older than last year. And drive me mad though they do, and trust me, they really do, I cant help but feel proud of them overall.

So on the one hand, life is shit, I'm on my own, have very little money, struggle with the kids. On down days its hard to see beyond some of that.

But on the other hand, and the one I try to focus on more often, life is actually pretty damn good. I'm mostly healthy, as are the kids. We have materially got everythign we actually need, and quite a lot of what we want. I once again cant work out how, but I am surrounded by wonderful people who are all barking enough to think I'm worth knowing. Nuts, the lot of you. Not Brazil nuts though, more Pecans, mmmmm. With toffees.

Ooooh, I also remember deciding that 2008 was going to be a good year, and because I'd decided it, it must be true. And has it been? Well, what makes a good year? (what do you call a tyre with 365 used condoms in it? A Goodyear). Sorry

Anyway, its hard to pin down, but looking back, yes I would say it has been. So I shall raise my glass (of water) and wish all of you, the very very best for 2009. May you all have a Good Year. And if it involves the 365 condoms, please dont tell us.

I am ill :(

Started feeling rough Tues evening, took drugs and was okish for most of xmas eve, but by xmas day was struggling big time. Had lost my voice, throat hurt, head hurt, everything ached, awful cough, temperature. I went to church, was on duty, came home, did pressie thing with kids, ate the lunch my mum had made, then went to bed. And have barely been out of it since :(

Some bits of me are a lot better. But I'm still not all well. oh, and boxing day my period started, jsut to add to the fun. And I'm teething. One of my wisdom teeth is coming through and its fucking hurting.

Tis a challenge to find a positive spin on any of it. Best I can manage is that at least Helens baby is late, and still not here, cos I wont be able to go see it while ill.

Oh, and my mummy was here til yesterday and was wonderful and looked after me. And I spose modern technology has its uses too. To save my throat, and voice, I have sent quite a few texts from my bed to downstairs. Mostly asking for tea and drugs

I am going to curl up and feel sorry for myself again now

Its Christmas !!!!!!!!!!!

I've been very busy. After my long rant about my father, he then turned up the next day and a couple of days later and my dining room is all done \o/\o/ pics to follow after I've taken then, worked out how to get them onto laptop and then onto blog. It may be a while.

I've also been to lots and lots of Christmas services, including the nativity. Holly was Mary! I was sooooo proud of her. The photos of that will be here about same time as the ones of the dining room.

My Mum is now with us for a couple of days, and I have an evening of wrapping to look forward to, cos although this year I've been far more organised than before, I still havent wrapped a single thing til xmas eve. Again. One day I'll learn.

Some time soon I intend to post a reflective, its the end of one year and another ones about to begin type post. But for today, the only thing really left to say is Happy Christmas !

I hope that you all have a peaceful day, enjoy time with someone you love, and count your blessings not just your presents. I include in mine knowing all you amazing people. Yes, all of you. Thank you for being incredible

Pissed off

There are days I wonder why I bother with my father. This week I have organised him a new (second hand, but new to him) washing machine. Collected it from Hedge End (few miles away), and then a few days later taken his old dead one to the tip. All in my little Corsa, and as my mum says, its not really the sort of car for doing such things with. When on the way to get the new machine Monday evening, I gave him my mobile to make a call with. He then put it in his pocket when he'd finished, claimed he hadnt, and had me turning the place upside down looking for it, just for him to email me on Thursday to say he had it after all!!!

Friday, he managed to help me with stuff in my house for about 2 hours, and the speed he does things, that about 20 minutes of a normal person. I then had a music concert to go to (was fine except for one, awful, awful, awful clarinet), so while I did that, he went home for a couple of hours, agreeing to meet me by the infants a couple of hours later.

He didnt show. Didnt answer any phone for about another 4 hours, and told me, that he'd 'lain down for a few minutes, didnt even feel tired, but fell asleep' Bit late to do anything then, so I asked if he was free Sunday afternoon. Yes he says. I said I'd do dinner and we could go to the quiz straqight from my house. Foolish me thought we could get quite a lot done in that time.

1pm I rang him, he was running at least an hour late. Half 4 I gave up on him completely and went to bed for a nap while kids watched star wars. Have now discovered 2 emails from him this afternoon. Someone one 'needs' his help, so he wont make it today after all. The other person has a computer virus. It really isnt that difficult to sort out, but he will drag it out over the next 4 days anyway. But hey, its not as if I was trying to have one, single room of my house actually sorted before next Saturday when I have visitors. And not like I've started, and have sanded lots of bits and it's now in the worse before it gets better stage. Nor that I've covered the table with stuff, and the whole lot with a dust sheet, and moved furniture so I can get to the walls properly so the room is unusable for a couple of days.

Oh wait, yeah it is. I have found someone else to help me tomorrow. And I suspect at some point, probably when pissed, my father will moan at me for that. I had asked him for help, and he WAS going to do so. Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm fed up of being let down. I had thought a daughter asking her father for a couple of hours of his time so she and her kids could have a nice house was a reasonable thing to ask. Apparently not.

Rant over.

I'm feeling much better for my sleep. Have tried to do too much this last week, and its caught up with me. So fecking frustrating, but nothing I can do about it. The girls had 2 birthday parties yesterday, but my plan of having a bit of peace failed, as the car got a puncture on the way to the first, and although I can change a wheel, and had a spare tyre that was in good condition, I had no tools, so had to call the AA out. And I will now need to buy a new spare tyre, oh joy.

I lied, rant isnt all over. I'm sooooo pissed off. Before you ask what I need him for....about erm, 7 years ago I had the room re wired, re plastered, etc. About 6 years ago I gave up on anyone else sorting the rest of the room and paid someone to lay a floor, and do all the new woodwork, as it no longer had any. Said woodwork has never been painted or anything. It needs bits of filling and general preparation before I can paint it. And I've never dealt with bare wood before, only previously painted, so was after some guidance. And well, just general help. Then I can do all the glossing, re paint all the walls, and apart from a new thermostat and some curtains I will FINALLY have a room that is actually done.

Since I bought this house I have had new windows, a new kitchen (not finished, naturally) all of downstairs re plastered, most of the house re wired, also not finished, and about half of the woodwork downstairs replaced. The rest of the woodwork isnt still the old stuff, oh no, that would be too easy. Nope the old stuff all got pulled out, leaving me in places without doorframes or skirting boards. I have no internal doors downstairs at all.

Why did I buy a house that needed EVERYTHING doing to it you ask. You do, trust me. Well, 1) cos it was cheap. 2) cos my dad who can do almost everything DIY ish said he'd help. Hah. and 3) cos back then we had a small amount of money and were 4 years from ex finally getting his inheritance that was tied up in a trust fund. What has actually happened is that my father has been worse than useless and the ex spent all the money behind my back, we're talking tens of thousands, and then fucked off.

All I'm asking for at the moment is to be able to paint properly the only room that is nearly finished. Thank God for Andy who will help me tomorrow, I know he will at least turn up.

On the bright side, my dad is now so 'busy' he says he's not going to the quiz tonight. Good.

Right rant is really over this time, I have to get ready for going to the pub. Really fancy a glass of something cold and alcoholic, but I'm not going 49 weeks jsut to quit now. All donations of something pinot grigio for my fridge for Jan 1st gratefully accepted ;) (thats a joke btw Helen, dont you dare buy one!!)

Jessie, I suspect Hamble Lane is named afer the village Hamble which it leads to. Though that may have been named after the hamble you're thinking of.

The ID was needed for the credit check they have to do when signing up for a new contract phone, durr. Is on a different network to mine, cos its cheapest option.

Today I am feeling ill, worse, not better :( And was generally feeling very sorry for myself. However the wonderful jojo has cheered me up no end. I got an email from he who we shall call twat. I've not yet decided whether to ignore it or reply, but I said to her that I was tempted to tell him I'm seeing someone. We have now decided his name, age, height and much much more. We're liking my new fictional boyfriend, you lot all would too, he's lovely. Hasnt yet met my children, but loves kids, has a niece and nephew. Things are going very well with him, he's so different from my ex ;)

I wont tell the twat most of it, if any, but its been great fun creating him. I am curious though, and slightly concerned by getting a facebook message last week and now an email from him. He wants something, and I want to know what. There is no way he jsut felt like saying hi. Theres a reason for it, and I wont like it.

Ooooh the postperson has just been. I lilke this time of year, its not all bills or junk. I've got 8 cards today, I'm feeling very popular \o/ I really really must buy some stamps for mine. I've written most of them, but keep forgetting stamps. IN fact, I may go get some now, while I remember

I have been to Tescos today. 3 times. 1st time to look at what deals they had and check when the last order date is. Today apparently, so I came home, collected ID and went back. Their system didnt like me :( So after an hour of trying to sort it, I had to go, cos it was time for Hollys nativity. Once I'd got the girls, we went back again. After half hour in traffic jam cos of a 3 car pile up on Hamble Lane, and over an hour of getting the system to finally work, its all sorted \o/\o/ Phew!

The girls would love a Wii, but Amos isnt fussed, he wants an xbox 360. And theres no way I've got the money for all that. So instead Amos is getting a new mobile phone, which is coming with a 'free' Wii :-D And because its an 18 month contract etc, I dont have to pay a penny now \o/

Apart from that today I've erm, no, thats been about it. Well I did spend a few minutes in a hot, crowded school hall while Holly sang a few songs, as one of the masses that didnt have a starring role. SHe is very very happy about the church nativity though as she's Mary in that one!! She doesnt have any lines she tells me, so I'm hoping it being narrated otherwise it could be a blissfully quiet mimed performance.

In other news, its only 2 weeks til my best friends 2nd child is due to be born. So will be here any day but that one. We're hoping for early as the due date is xmas eve, but as long as its healthy etc, we dont mind that much. Very much looking forward to meeting it, and having a cuddle. other peoples babies are great.

Preparations for Christmas are going well, better than they have for years. I am much more organised this year, and so far, its all going to plan. This leads to far less stress, which is fab, especially as I am currently suffering from man flu. Thats a cold btw.

I have returned

Naturally you all missed me. Well Kaz and Jojo did. My laptop charger died :( and I had problems with my desktops. Was able to get online for short periods on one, but aol wouldnt work properly. I've been near internet less for 10 days!!!

And to be honest, I hope you're sitting down Carol, I've been fine. Most of the time. Missed it most in the evenings when the kids are in bed. I've never felt lonely, or on my own even, if that makes sense, when I've had aol, but without it....was strange. I am very pleased to be back. I may or may not blog about the last 10 days another time. Mostly it hasnt been interesting enough to bother.

Annoyingly although I was in such a good mood at being able to be online properly again, I am now feeling very pissed off. My ex sent me a message through facebook. I have deleted it and thanks to Jojo, who told me where to find the right thing, I have also blocked him. But any contact from him tends to wind me up, and hearing not a word in over 6 months was more than fine with me. There are not words strong enough to describe my thoughts about him, and I'm getting annoyed with myself now for wasting ink (yes, yes, I know its not REAL ink) typing about him. So, no more.

Only 3 weeks left til Christmas, and you know what that means? Yup, tis only 4 weeks til the new year and alcohol \o/\o/